Hiding in the Shadows
No-one knows I'm here...
Monday, June 23, 2008

Another chance...

Well it looks like me and J sorted out whatever it was that happened on Saturday. He came home after work, and we talked it all over. As far as he was concerned, the email he sent me wasn't snapping at me, and there was nothing wrong. Again I was made to feel it was all my fault... So I ended up telling him I wanted to stop the smoking. I told him I hated who he became when he was on it, and that he was a twat to be around a few days after this as well. He seemed to have a think about it, but ended up saying that he couln't, and wouldn't, just give it up like that. Apparently that's what he and his brother have in common, and it gives them a reason to hang out. He doesn't intent on getting so mashed any time soon, but if he goes somewhere and is offered a joint, then he won't say no. He does intend to quit sometime, but it will be just that - sometime. Not quite the answer I would've liked.
For a while, I thought about ending it. I told him I had a choice between ending it now because I didn't want to keep putting up with it, or to put up with it a bit longer, and hope it faded out sooner rather than later... He looked a bit upset. That was reassuring at least. I knew he honestly didn't want to break up, not deep inside.

So, we're trying to make it work, again. Neither of us want to split up. We do both love each other, I know that. It's only been 7+ months anyway... not as though we've tried everything and things still aren't working out. One thing we're trying to change is shifts at work. It's getting to both of us that we don't see each other enough through the week, and also on a weekend if one of us is working. Hopefully I can move back onto my 8-8 shifts (8-4 / 12-8). I'll have to lose my shift bonus, but it'll save me money from taxis at 5am, and if it helps to save my relationship, then it'll be well worth it.

Another future change will be where we're living. We're both totally fed up of the neighbours and their stupid alarm clock waking us up, so we're looking round for another place to rent. There's no time limit on this, but if we find somewhere nice & cheap enough, then we're going. Yeah, I know I love moving house as much as I love sticking needles in my eyes, but if spending a couple of days packing and unpacking means getting away from the neighbours from hell, then even I will make that sacrifice. Will keep you posted on that anyways.

Oh, and as for my latest weight recorded, I did actually weigh myself yesterday, and was 11st 13. Seems I put on weight whilst asleep last night... Well, I say asleep, more tossing and turning rather than sleeping. Think I did manage about 2hrs in total... So, back on the nytol tonight then...


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