Hope.
Again, I've left this blog alone for some time. I've not felt the need to write I guess - I've had no demons I've needed to exorcise. I'm only writing now because I feel I need to 'catch up' on events since November. Because, there have been some events.
For a while in December I was seeing a guy. He was really nice, we got on well, had quite a bit in common, and he treated me like I longed to be treated. I had a slight niggle about the occasional mildly racist remark he'd come out with (well he did live in Bradford, but that was no excuse), but I liked him. Then one night he came round to mine - another night of me cooking and us curling up on the sofa tongether, only this time he stayed over. Just that one night together, and I knew he had to go. Yes boys, size does indeed matter.
So just after the New Year I finished it. And up until a couple of weeks ago, I was doing the whole completely single. Just chatting to people online, nothing more. Then I get a reply from a guy I messaged, and suddenly I feel like there's a light that's been switched on. From the minute I read his profile, I just knew I couldn't leave without sending him a message. He sounded intellegent, with a personality, and we had more than just a few interests in common. Since we started chatting, our conversations have been lengthy on a daily basis. We have more than just a few interests in common. We click.
Ok, so we've not actually met up yet (hopefully going for a coffee this coming weekend), so there's still time for this to fall flat. But it's given me hope that there are people on my wave-length, there are people that I can connect with. And I don't feel so completely alone.
He's not been long out of a long-term relationship that long, so he says himself he's not ready for rushing into another one. That's ok though, if there is such a thing as something that's meant to be, I have to respect that. Even if we're just really good friends for a while, it'll be really good. I already feel like I could fall for him though, and it's hard trying to be realistic and restrain myself before I let myself get hurt again. Only time will tell. Fuck, I hope this is my turn to have some good luck...
Because of the crappy weather and 8-12" of snow that's decended over the weekend, I actually walked to work today. I know! Me, walking anywhere is a complete joke! Not today - and not Saturday either! Saturday I went up to the co-op - no car, just me and my feet. Ok, so it was to buy some Ben & Jerrys, but still. I walked it. And I didn't die, or feel like I was going to collapse. Now that's a first. But I walked the big steep hill down to work today, and back up it again to get home. Sure I was a bit out of breath from one hill (almost vertical - and covered in snow lol), but I felt fine! The last time I walked like that was when I lived in Lockwood, and had to walk from the bus-stop up the hill to the house. Every time I did it I felt like my lungs would give out and my heart was going to beat right out my chest. It killed me every time. Not now. I've obviously improved my fitness. I know I've lost almost 2st, so I know I must be getting better, but knowing my actual fitness has improved makes a huge difference. Maybe I'll start walking to work more often, even when there isn't snow! Now that'd be an awesome achievement for me.
I treated myself before Xmas to the piercing I was after - my left conch. That makes 15 now. I think I may have a problem now though, because after ticking one more off the list, I seem to have found 5-7 more that I want... Some will be easy and straight forwards, others, may not be possible. Like, one of the ones I want (and have actually thought about a few times before) is getting my lip done. I quite like the idea of just a little central stud. Nothing too big or obvious, just something subtle. But, as I work in an office enviroment, and I do answer the reception door to customers/visitors, I'm not sure my boss will approve too much... I do plan on asking before going ahead with it, just in case. At the moment though I have no spare money for more holes, so it will have to wait. Plus I'm still dealing with my latest one healing up to have to deal with a second. I think I may wait until after I go out to see my Mum later in the year. She'd freak at me having my lip done, so it's best just to avoid that situation altogether. Plus if I haven't had it done long and it's still healing, then salty sea water, pool water filled with chlorine and general dust and sand in the air won't do it much good... So, I wait.
Another bit of awesome news - I've started my AAT accounting course. A couple of the girls I work with have done some of theirs - paid for by the company, so naturally, I wanted it too. Ok, so accounting was never on my list of career choices, but I found out that an Accountant can earn around £50-60k...!! For that money, Accounting is at the top of my career choices! So the AAT I'm doing is level 2. Level 1 is a basic introductary level, for people with no educational background, or 2nd language English. As I've spent the past year working in an accounts office and have had a pretty good education, I found I would be best starting at Level 2. It's a distance learning course, so I study in my own time, at my own pace, and take assessments when I feel ready for them. I get text-books and access to online material, and I just get on with it. I started only a couple of weeks ago, and already I'm ahead on the recommended chapter schedule. I'm hoping that's a good thing. I'm enjoying it though, which is a good thing. Hopefully I should have it done in 6 months, and then move on to Level 3. Then, maybe I can start looking round for a better paid job. I do like the job I have now, and I like working only 1-2miles from home, but the management is appalling. They don't manage, they just patch up one mess and create another. All the staff are unhappy, and there's so much ill-feeling around. It's horrible. I just need to stick it out enough to get some qualifications to make it easier to go somewhere else. Work is paying for it, so I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the offer.
I think that's it for now... time to settle down for the evening with some B&J and a chapter on VAT and discounts. What fun!
For a while in December I was seeing a guy. He was really nice, we got on well, had quite a bit in common, and he treated me like I longed to be treated. I had a slight niggle about the occasional mildly racist remark he'd come out with (well he did live in Bradford, but that was no excuse), but I liked him. Then one night he came round to mine - another night of me cooking and us curling up on the sofa tongether, only this time he stayed over. Just that one night together, and I knew he had to go. Yes boys, size does indeed matter.
So just after the New Year I finished it. And up until a couple of weeks ago, I was doing the whole completely single. Just chatting to people online, nothing more. Then I get a reply from a guy I messaged, and suddenly I feel like there's a light that's been switched on. From the minute I read his profile, I just knew I couldn't leave without sending him a message. He sounded intellegent, with a personality, and we had more than just a few interests in common. Since we started chatting, our conversations have been lengthy on a daily basis. We have more than just a few interests in common. We click.
Ok, so we've not actually met up yet (hopefully going for a coffee this coming weekend), so there's still time for this to fall flat. But it's given me hope that there are people on my wave-length, there are people that I can connect with. And I don't feel so completely alone.
He's not been long out of a long-term relationship that long, so he says himself he's not ready for rushing into another one. That's ok though, if there is such a thing as something that's meant to be, I have to respect that. Even if we're just really good friends for a while, it'll be really good. I already feel like I could fall for him though, and it's hard trying to be realistic and restrain myself before I let myself get hurt again. Only time will tell. Fuck, I hope this is my turn to have some good luck...
Because of the crappy weather and 8-12" of snow that's decended over the weekend, I actually walked to work today. I know! Me, walking anywhere is a complete joke! Not today - and not Saturday either! Saturday I went up to the co-op - no car, just me and my feet. Ok, so it was to buy some Ben & Jerrys, but still. I walked it. And I didn't die, or feel like I was going to collapse. Now that's a first. But I walked the big steep hill down to work today, and back up it again to get home. Sure I was a bit out of breath from one hill (almost vertical - and covered in snow lol), but I felt fine! The last time I walked like that was when I lived in Lockwood, and had to walk from the bus-stop up the hill to the house. Every time I did it I felt like my lungs would give out and my heart was going to beat right out my chest. It killed me every time. Not now. I've obviously improved my fitness. I know I've lost almost 2st, so I know I must be getting better, but knowing my actual fitness has improved makes a huge difference. Maybe I'll start walking to work more often, even when there isn't snow! Now that'd be an awesome achievement for me.
I treated myself before Xmas to the piercing I was after - my left conch. That makes 15 now. I think I may have a problem now though, because after ticking one more off the list, I seem to have found 5-7 more that I want... Some will be easy and straight forwards, others, may not be possible. Like, one of the ones I want (and have actually thought about a few times before) is getting my lip done. I quite like the idea of just a little central stud. Nothing too big or obvious, just something subtle. But, as I work in an office enviroment, and I do answer the reception door to customers/visitors, I'm not sure my boss will approve too much... I do plan on asking before going ahead with it, just in case. At the moment though I have no spare money for more holes, so it will have to wait. Plus I'm still dealing with my latest one healing up to have to deal with a second. I think I may wait until after I go out to see my Mum later in the year. She'd freak at me having my lip done, so it's best just to avoid that situation altogether. Plus if I haven't had it done long and it's still healing, then salty sea water, pool water filled with chlorine and general dust and sand in the air won't do it much good... So, I wait.
Another bit of awesome news - I've started my AAT accounting course. A couple of the girls I work with have done some of theirs - paid for by the company, so naturally, I wanted it too. Ok, so accounting was never on my list of career choices, but I found out that an Accountant can earn around £50-60k...!! For that money, Accounting is at the top of my career choices! So the AAT I'm doing is level 2. Level 1 is a basic introductary level, for people with no educational background, or 2nd language English. As I've spent the past year working in an accounts office and have had a pretty good education, I found I would be best starting at Level 2. It's a distance learning course, so I study in my own time, at my own pace, and take assessments when I feel ready for them. I get text-books and access to online material, and I just get on with it. I started only a couple of weeks ago, and already I'm ahead on the recommended chapter schedule. I'm hoping that's a good thing. I'm enjoying it though, which is a good thing. Hopefully I should have it done in 6 months, and then move on to Level 3. Then, maybe I can start looking round for a better paid job. I do like the job I have now, and I like working only 1-2miles from home, but the management is appalling. They don't manage, they just patch up one mess and create another. All the staff are unhappy, and there's so much ill-feeling around. It's horrible. I just need to stick it out enough to get some qualifications to make it easier to go somewhere else. Work is paying for it, so I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the offer.
I think that's it for now... time to settle down for the evening with some B&J and a chapter on VAT and discounts. What fun!
Posted in the darkness ~
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