Hiding in the Shadows
No-one knows I'm here...
Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Taking the good with the bad

Yes, I never updated before I went away, and it's taken me over a week since I've been back. Sue me. I've been busy.

The date went well. No, it didn't go well. It went better than I ever could have expected it to!! I'd said I was just going out for one drink - maybe an hour, two max. Well that was scrapped, as 5.5hrs later (and half 12am) I finally got home....!! We have so much in common, and have the same views and interests it's just amazing!! We text a bit while I was away, and have seen each other loads since I got back. In fact, over the weekend we actually decided to get serious! Now that's fast work even for me... He's amazing though - 39 (always did like older men), a little taller than me (I can still wear heels, just), and is totally open and honest about anything and everything - just what I need. Plus he only lives 5-10 minutes away, not 30-40 like Mr Tall.
Despite being incredibly happy, I still feel like I'm holding something back. He's given me no reason to doubt him or not trust him, or not be happy with him, but it's like the part inside me that's capable of true love and happiness is missing a bit, and can't quite manage it completely. It's weird. I guess Fraz really did kill part of my heart... Fucking bastard. Not going to let that stop me though. Only small issue is that my new Mr Perfect has already been married before (for 19 years) and doesn't want to ever get married again. Neither does he want kids (well I'm fine with that bit). Well I'm kinda on the fence about marriage - on one hand it's just an expensive piece of paper and you don't need it to be comitted to someone. But at the same time it would be so lovely to find someone that you know you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you want to show the whole world. Again, you don't need to spend extortionate amounts of money doing that though... He's hinted that there's a small chance he may change his mind if he was with the right girl (hinting at me, I think), but I'm not holding my breath. I'm still on the fence anyways.