Fucktard

I dunno, just cos I couldn't think of a better title. Maybe I'll change it when I've finished...

So yeah I've been AWOL for a while. I'd like to say it's because I've been swept off my feet by some millionaire white knight, but lets face it, none of us live in a fairy tale, and the millionaire white knight is probably a millionaire from drug dealing and screwing people over, has had every girl this side of the Atlantic, and owns a mangy pitbull named 'Bruno' or 'Tyson'.... Cynical? Me? Not at all.
So I've decided that yes, although I'm fine with being single, I'm not happy with it. Problem is, every time I try to get to know someone, we get through a couple of decent conversations, and suddenly I feel the need to turn heel and run in the other direction. Not because of anything they've said or I've found out about them, just simply because my head decides then is the opportune moment to change it's mind and isn't actually ready/wanting to meet anyone and certainly not let them in. I've well and truly come to the conclusion that I do not trust men. Every conversation I've had with someone new I'm wondering how many other girls they're chatting up at the same time. If we meet up and actually progress to 'dating', will they continue to chat up other girls. Will they meet up with other girls. It's insane. In fact no, it's not insane. It's perfectly normal for me to not trust men with my past how it is. I can totally see now how there are so many girls/women out there with trust issues and ex-baggage. Sure break ups hurt, but you can get over them. Being lied to/cheated on isn't so easy. You can't help but think that it'll happen again. If the person you thought was your best friend, your soul mate can continuously lie to you so easily, then in theory anyone can. And like I say - we don't live in a fairy tale, so noses won't grow when there's porky pies being told... I think I'm going to start knitting and begin collecting cats, as I'm coming to the sad realisation that maybe love and relationships just really aren't worth the hassle or the heartache.

In other news, I never did get my piercing. Realised I didn't quite have the spare cash to be getting things I didn't need. Hoping maybe to get it before Christmas. Urgh, Christmas. I'm very much leaning towards cancelling Christmas this year. No tree, no decorations, no Christmas dinner. What's the point? No-one but me will see the tree or the tinsel draped round everywhere, and no-one but me is going to spend the day putting the damn stuff up in the first place. No point in making a Christmas dinner for one (I'm sure I could find a microwave Christmas meal-for-one somewhere), and I have no family to spend the day with, other than my half sister, who I still haven't even met yet, so I can't exactly crash her Christmas just yet... Unless I get some kind of Christmas miracle over the next couple of weeks, I'm not playing. No-one can make me, and I'm not going to spontaneously combust
 if I don't.

Pff. I hate my bullshit excuse for a life. Where's my contract, I'm sure there'll be an opt-out clause in it somewhere...