Hiding in the Shadows

So I tried the vid again today. Within 10 minutes of starting it, I had collapsed in a flood of tears. Watching the dancing girls in the background, all gorgeous, super-fit and energetic, it just made me so depressed. I want to look like that so badly. And yeah, I know that if I kept on with the vid, and eating correctly, then it could be possible. But it's so fucking hard. I don't even have the energy to keep up with them. Watching them should give me motivation to see what I could achieve, but instead it's making me more upset and depressed cos I know just how much work I need to do to get there.
Another thing that's got me down, is I weighed myself this morning - I've put on weight, not lost any. So it's only a pound or so, but still. Not what I want to see. I did one of those BMI calculator things as well - it's official. I'm overweight. Fucking wonderful.

So, as I mentioned last time, I'm getting those tablet things that 'bind' themselves to fat so it's not absorbed. I can but try, right??

	This is my space to air my demons, where no-one knows my name. Here I sit, quietly, hiding from the world.
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~*~

I hide beneath the black clouds of my broken soul, The soul that holds the love that is left, And the clouds that hold the life we could have lived. A twisted love runs deeper than the blood in my veins. But the past still exists, so please dont try to walk away. My broken soul is all you can see, and the black clouds will always be here. As I stare at my reflection through shattered glass, I take a look into our past. Will you ever realize how I feel? Our past can never be forgotton. Im still beneath the black clouds, Hiding from my misery. The love is still there, but the life has dissapeared. Do you understand what im trying to say to you now? If I told you I love you, I meant it with every breathe. If say I need you, I tell the truth. The black clouds are full of my pain, and my broken soul is all that I have left. So I will stare at my reflection through this shattered glass, and hide beneath the black clouds of my broken soul, The love still exists, and I wonder, What happened to the dream that we both could be living... ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~*~
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Fucking Video...

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