Hiding in the Shadows
No-one knows I'm here...
Monday, February 27, 2012

Shove that in your pipe and smoke it..

Well, after a lot of umm-ing and ahh-ing, I went on a date last night. I say a date, but it was the most un-date-like date I've ever been on, so not sure it counts, but anyways. Simple pizza and movie round at his. Was with a guy from work - seemed nice enough, although I found him a bit, well, persistant... Not quite into scary pervy territory, but still. Was actually nice to have that kind of attention actually, but I did leave feeling a bit dirty, and not really in a good way... Pity, cos he only lives down the road.

Did manage to post about it on a forum that me and the Ex are both on - so hopefully he's seen it and is kicking himself... That would make me very happy.


Monday, February 20, 2012

Ouch

So, I woke up feeling better than when I went to bed. Spent the day scolding myself for crying over a cowardly scumbag. Was just updating my DD info on BE, and found a ticket he sent to them on the 2nd of Feb saying he was moving out and wanted the account name changine. The day after my birthday, he already knew he was moving out. Didn't expect that one coming... I'm in two minds whether to ring/text him about it. Yell at him some more... I know it wouldn't do any good or change anything though. Besides, I still need him to help me fix my stereo, seeing as when he supposedly 'fixed' it on Sunday, and now I only have one out of four speakers working, and no sub/amps at all...

Note to self: learn more about ICE so I can do it myself...


Sunday, February 19, 2012

Fucking, fuckity, fucking fuck-fuck...

I've been doing so well... Managed to get into the head-space that I was fine on my own, I deserve someone better... Even when he was round today collecting the rest of his stuff, I managed to tell him I didn't even want to stay friends - partly because I don't want a liar as a friend, and partly because of the way he's done this all behind my back - cowardly... This evening, I fell apart again. My head is telling me I've done the right thing - he doesn't deserve my friendship. My heart is screaming that I miss him. I still love him. I need to make him see that.
I'm angry at him for making me feel like this, and I'm angry at myself for getting so upset over losing him. I'm better off without him, and I know that. But it hurts. It still hurts so damn much, and there's nothing I can do to make it go away. I just wish we could have fixed it... We could have been awesome... Oh fucking hell, here we go again...


Wednesday, February 08, 2012

All good things...

And even those things that arn't that good, but are good enough to go along with anyway.

Well, long story short, me and the OH are no longer me and the OH... So much so that he moved out today. I am officially single. After a 48hr session of crying, screaming, hurting, etc - today I'm actually ok. More saddened by things not working out, and not having one last chance to make things work, but I'm ok with it. I know deep down it's the right decision. I think.

My main problem now is figuring out how to afford everything. As I'm still on probationary pay, there is no way it'll stretch far enough to cover all the bills, and I coudldn't stand having to sell my car just to save on repayments and everything that goes with it. I guess I could get a house mate... Really don't want one, but it could be a last resort... Meh. There's a lot of shit I need to work out.

In some warped way, I'm actually really glad to be single again. Be good to get my independance back and learn how to look after myself again! I've had break ups before and got over them, and I'm not the kind of girl who needs a guy in her life to function properly (me, not the guy, although a properly functioning guy would be preferable).

Someday, somehow, I'll find someone to sweep me off my feet. Guess I'll just keep on looking until I find them...


Wednesday, February 01, 2012

No. 27

I've had a few really disappointing, uneventful birthdays. After an argument just now with my mum over a crappy Greek line and a couple of text messages, today really tops that list.
What I wouldn't give to relive my 18th all over again...