Hiding in the Shadows
No-one knows I'm here...
Thursday, June 05, 2008

So what do I do...

So the self-loathing is back again... It's the weight issue again. For a while now I've noticed that some of my summer clothes don't actually fit anymore. They're not just a little tight, they're actually unwearable. I either can't get zips to close, or things just won't even go on at all. Thing is, I know what I need to do about it, but am always finding excuses not to do it. It's not like I don't want to change, I do - more than anything. So why can I not find the self-discipline and motivation to get off my fat ass and just go for it?

I bought myself one of those dance work-out DVDs the other week. I did it once, and it's scary just how unfit I actually am. It's one of those dance work outs, split into warm up, tone up, 3 sessions of Dance (from easy, to medium, to hard) and a cool down session at the end. I managed to get through the warm up and the tone up. After 5 minutes of the first dance session, I was fucked. About 25 minutes I was at it for in total, and I was totally out of breath at the end of it. I keep telling my self that the more I do it, the better I'll get, but I just can't seem to build up the motivation to try again. The DVD says that doing the work outs 3x a week you can lose a stone in no time. I desperately want to lose weight and tone up, so why won't I do it?? I just can't understand. I'd go to a gym if I could afford it, but even if I could, my work shift patterns mean I can't go on a regular basis, or just simply don't have time. I know I'm not exactly fat, but I'm not the slim (slim - not skinny. I don't want to look anything like Victoria Beckham) beauty I'm desperate to become. I just wish I knew what I should be doing to make the most progress.

Aside from trying to make myself into a home work-out bunny, I've bought these tablets of the net. Hoodia they're called. Supposed to be a herbal remedy, that suppresses your appetite. They don't replace meals, they just make you feel more full, so you don't snack in between meals. Great for me, as I'm always snacking. Bad thing is, that cos of my work shifts, I can't take them regularly, or when I should. You're supposed to take 1 3x a day, about 30 mins before a meal. Well that's fine, but I never eat at regular times, and when I'm at work, I quite often forget to take them 30 mins beforehand. Seems like I'm fighting a losing battle here already.

Another supplement I've seen advertised is Lipobind. Tablets that you take after a meal, that supposedly stops your body retaining excess fat or something.

I just don't know what to do about it all though. I know that exercise is the best way, but I just can't seems to get into doing it.

Maybe I'm just bound to be chubby and miserable all my life... God I hate myself right now.


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