Hiding in the Shadows
No-one knows I'm here...
Friday, June 20, 2008

To sleep, or not to sleep...

So it's 11.36pm, and I'm still up. For some unknown reason I decided to walk home tonight. My head is spinning, and not from a headache, or some good sex.

I found out tonight that an ex from a few years ago, actually regrets the way things ended between us, and wishes we were still together. Before I go any further, I certainly do not want him back. We broke up because he was taking me for granted, and I had a suspicion he was cheating on me. Now, we're still friends, but back with him is not somewhere I want to be. Ever. Plus the fact that he now has a daughter. Yeah.
So the fact that he's apologized for the way he treated me, (he still insists he wasn't cheating) and he wants me back doesn't bother me. It's that it's so nice to find out that someone regrets letting me go, and actually want me back. I know, there's the ever so small chance that he's bullshitting me and is just lonely/desperate/thinks I'm easy etc etc, but I'm ignoring that part.

I guess what's getting to me, is that again I'm wondering whether me and J are right together. We've kinda fallen out again. Well, I think we have... He snapped at me for sending him some jokey emails at work, and I thought it was a totally uncalled for reaction from him. Since then, he's not said two words to me, and gone to bed early. Unfortunately though, I think it's partly to do with his brother coming round on Weds/Thurs and them both smoking and getting mashed. Great. Looks like he's gunna be a cock for the weekend again because of it.

This is where I have to decide. I have to decide whether to tell him that I want him to stop smoking the weed, and risk losing him, or just to keep quiet again, and deal with him being a twat for a couple of days.

Can I risk losing him? Do I love him, or do I just love the idea of how things could be...

No, I do love him... I just don't like feeling like I'm being taken for granted...


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