Hiding in the Shadows
No-one knows I'm here...
Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Clearing up before the mess

So after a text from J asking if I wanted to meet up again, I decided I needed to clear some stuff up before there was any misunderstanding later on... I told him it was great meeting up again and hanging out, and I'd love to continue doing that, but I'm just not ready to get into anything more serious right now. He said he completely understood, and was more than happy just to hang out and see how things work out in the future, although he did say he thought I've looked amazing and he'd love for us to try again sometime, but right now is just too soon after only being back in touch a couple of weeks. So glad we're both on the same wavelength over this. I'd rather be straight with him from the start than him getting the wrong idea and feel I've misled him in any way.

From making one situation better, to making another one worse. I've been arguing at Fraz again. I say arguing at him, because as usual, it's me shouting (via email) at him, and him merely responding... He's been made a moderator on a forum we both use. This has pissed me off to new levels. He's unreliable, untrustworthy, and a compulsive liar, yet he's been rewarded (in my eyes) with a position of trust! Once I started ranting about that, that was it - all previous rant-material resurfaced. Now even he's left wondering if we should still try to be friends... I reckon we need space from each other. Trouble is, that would mean me leaving that forum, and cutting our mutual friends off FB. It would also mean I'd have to miss out on several car-shows because I know he'll be at them. One one hand, it'd be nice to have a completely clean break from him and not have constant reminders popping up. On the other hand, why the fuck should I give up stuff I enjoy, when I've done nothing wrong in all this?! Either way I can't win :(

And as well as all that going on, I still have Mr Persistent being, well persistent. I still don't fancy him, but I have found that he's a really sweet, caring person. The constant stream of silly little gifts are sweet too lol.

In some ways, it's nice to have guys in my life like this, but it's so exhausting, and so much hassle!!

Monday, April 09, 2012

De Ja Vu

Well haven't I had an interesting weekend. So after the initial unexpected chat with J the other week, there were more chats. One which ended in me visiting his new flat on Saturday to hang out. It was actually really nice. We got on just as well as we did back when we were together. Watched some films, played xbox, chatted... It was weird, but in a good way. Good enough for me to crash there for the night. I won't go into details, I'm sure you can fill in the blanks.
So where do things stand now? He's already said he likes being single, and I've only just got used to it (and actually enjoy it too now). But way he kept looking at me said something entirely different. I remember those looks. I used to adore the way he looked at me like that. I missed it when we broke up. An now, those looks are back...

Would it be so very bad if we tried again? I mean, the reasons we broke up in the first place are all but gone. He doesn't smoke hardly at all now. And everyone has flaws right? I know I have. There is no such thing as a perfect person. You have to accept people for the flaws they have. Some flaws are too big to accept, like Fraz's. Some, are insignificent. J used to accept my flaws. Maybe I've matured enough to accept his.

This is all way to premature I know. We've only hung out once so far. The option of an 'us' might not even be a possible possibility. But I don't like being caught off-guard. I like to think I know the answer before I get asked the question. Maybe that's why I'm going back round there thisafternoon... I call it research. No harm in that right? No mice will be harmed in the making of my decisions. It's all good. Probably.