Hiding in the Shadows
No-one knows I'm here...
Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Watch out roads!!

Well I'm taking chunks out of that next milestone in my life - the one where I climb into a large hunk of metal on wheels, and roam round the streets terrorising little old ladies on pavements, and making business men in their expensive Mercs scream like little girls.

Oh yes people, I, am taking driving lessons. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

So I had the first lesson on Monday, with an old-ish grey haired guy, who was very softly spoken and actually had a sense of humour. Although visions of crashing into trees and down embankments filled my mind, I did so much better than I thought I would, and I actually enjoyed it. Not just enjoyed it, but I fucking loved it!! For so long I've been scared about driving. Not just nervous, but actually terrified. It's part of the reason I've put it off for so long. But a few months ago I sent off for a free lesson with the AA driving school. I'd totally forgotten about it until they called me last week to arrange it. Now I've started, I don't want to stop. I don't want to pass my test and then leave it 6-12 months before getting a car, I want to pass my test and get my own straight away. I can see my freedom in front of me, it's so close I can smell it. Just a few hours of lessons and a couple of little tests, and that'll be it!! It's so exciting!!

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Oh, and a side note from the driving happiness, me and J are great. We're more than great. I love him more than I couple ever have thought possible, and it feels so good to be in a relationship that gives me this kind of a high so much of the time. I won't bore you with it too much, but to say things between us are fantastically good, would be the understatement of the century.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Aw bugger...

Well didn't I get a shock when I got home last night... J asked me outright if I'd been in his emails... I said no, but I knew I wasn't convincing anyone. Even when he asked if I'd set up a profile on AFF, I stupidly said no again. I was racking my brain trying to work out how he knew. Apparently he'd looked on the pop-up blocker on the laptop, and found my blogsite. Seems he's read all of it... That in itself scares me, cos I know when we first got together and when he was smoking that I'd had doubts about us being together. I just hope he knows that I do love him with all my heart, and if I had decided that we wern't meant to be, that I'dve ended it.
So having realised it was pointless denying playing detective, I admitted what I'd done. The profile I'd set up, and the reasons for doing it. Although he said he was a bit pissed off about me going through his emails, he didn't seem angry about the whole profile thing and the messages sent from my fake profile. So we talked it through and sorted it all out. He still said he didn't join the site in the first place, and I do believe him. He looked at me with that same truth in his eyes that I see when he tells me he loves me, and told me he'd never do that to me. That this relationship means more to him than anything, and he wasn't going to risk that. I can't believe, that even for a second, that I doubted him. I trust him more than I've ever trusted anyone. I just wish I'dve said something to him, instead of sneaking around making up fake profiles to catch him. I'm just glad it's all sorted now, and there's no atmosphere or bad feeling between us. And yes, I've learnt my lesson about looking through things that don't belong to me...