Hiding in the Shadows
No-one knows I'm here...
Friday, April 11, 2014


So things may have moved on slightly from my last post, and apart from a few bumps in the road, it looks like I'm heading in a really good direction.

The new Mr Perfect officially moved in at the end of February, and things are going really well. He seems to absolutely adore me and thinks I'm amazing (well, let's face it, I am fucking amazing), and is always telling me he loves me and buying me little presents. I think we both have insecurities due to past relationships, but at the same time I think we both trust each other fully and believe it when we say we're both in this for the long run. Everything is pretty much perfect between us. We still have niggles every now and then, but we wouldn't be normal if we didn't. I actually think that this is definitely potential 'The One' material. I've thought that before and been wrong, but I'm really hoping this time is different. I guess only time will tell.

I've also made a large life decision (for me), and joined a gym. No, it's not a late April-fools joke, and yes, I'm going there to actually work out not just make use of the sauna and jacuzzi. The OH and I have booked a holiday for August (look at us making proper couple plans!!), and I decided I no longer want to feel like the uncomfortable blob that I felt like last year. I want to get fit, and this time I'm really serious about getting there. I've put it off far too long.

So I've joined up to a gym that I pass on my way home, and currently am going 3-4 times a week. I've also got myself a personal trainer that I see every 2-3 weeks. That in itself is really weird, as it's a guy I used to know from school. He was an absolute tool back then, but now he's tall and really well built... and nice. I can't believe it's the same guy tbh. Anyway, he pushes me more than I feel I can take, and has said I should be easily able to get from my current size 12 to a size 10, or maybe even an 8 by the time I go away. I'm not so convinced just yet, but I admire his optimism. I'd be happy with a 10 really, just as long as I'm toned up. I've been going 5 weeks now, and as yet I'm yet to notice any changes, although I kind of expected that. I've never worked out like this before, and I know I'm generally unfit, so I'm going to need to improve my overall fitness levels before I can see much change happening. I'm getting there slowly though - I'm upping the levels on the X-trainer and stair machine, and lifting heavier weights, so I must me making progress. It's hard though, as I've deliberately had the OH hide my scales to stop me jumping on them every day. I need to use clothes fitting and measurements to track my progress, rather than the number on the scales. Changing that habit it tough though. I'll get there though. I WILL get there. I have 18 weeks to do it. Even at a pound a week that's a possible 18 pounds. If achieved, I'll be posting selfie bikini pics when I return. Otherwise, I'll be back on here whinging that I'm a big fat failure. Literally.

There's been other happenings, but realising that I've not really written about it much, I feel I need to fill in the background on this before I delve into recent events.

I had mentioned back a couple of Christmas's before that I had a half-sister that I'd never met. Well I did end up meeting her and we had lunch together, and we got on brilliantly. She's so lovely, and we have loads in common. Even now I'm trying to get my head round that she's my sister, as it really doesn't feel like it. We've not managed to meet up since, but we've kept in touch and keep planning on having another lunch at some point.
So as I'd found my half-sister, I also found my biological dad. I'd been searching for him for a couple of months, and found an address online that I thought might have been him. I sent him a letter asking if he was indeed the person I was looking for, and got a reply back confirming details from the past and proving he really was my dad. Initially we only sent a couple of letters - mainly me asking him all the questions that I've wanted to ask him for so many years. After he sent a reply answering my questions as best he could (and he did thankfully), we didn't speak for about another year which was fine with me. I didn't feel I needed any more answers from him, and I didn't know how I felt about him to want to keep in touch or think about meeting up. My sister one day then said she'd seen him at her work, and he had been asking about me and wondering if I wanted to get in touch by email. I emailed him and we've been chatting since. Just usual getting-to-know-you type of stuff and general day-to-day chat, but it's been nice despite not feeling like I have any connection to him at all. I guess at some point I may want to meet up for a coffee, but I'm not sure yet. I think he'd like to, but I guess he's waiting for me to make the first move on that. Maybe in a couple of months...

Other than all that, the new job is horrible and I hate it, but that's another (very long) story that I'm not going into right now. All that's to say is I've been here 7 months now, and I'm already looking elsewhere for something else. Joy, another paragraph of  job history to add to my already full CV. Ah well, everything else is going ok, so can't complain too much.