Unintentional, unavoidable nose poking...

I didn't want to get involved. I didn't even want to discuss it, for I knew it would end exactly how it has done. I just don't understand, and it seems so wrong... He brought it up though. He asked a question, which led to me asking a return question, which led to a discussion, which led to the argument...


Mr Tall has a little boy, about 4-5yrs old I think. He lives with his mother at the other end of the country. Ok, so kids arn't my thing, but I can live with this.
The mother moved the day after they split, and invoked a custody hearing soon after. Mr Tall (apparently) didn't get the court summons until the day of the hearing, and therefore didn't/couldn't attend. Neither could he afford a appeal to said hearing. So, mother has custody. Mother also does not let Mr Tall see the kid. If he does see him, he's not allowed to be alone with him - mothers fear of him being abducted apparently.
This goes so far, that the mother will happily let grandmother (Mr Talls mother) see the kid, and have the kid at hers, as long as Mr Tall is kept in the dark and not told of this... Now, this I have major problems with...

Where do I start?! Why didn't Mr Tall try harder/fight longer to get at least visitation rights?! Why doesn't his own mother try and smooth things over or talk the kids mother round?! Why has everyone just accepted that this is how things are?! Does no-one realise that none of this is about them - it's about the poor kid stuck in the middle who doesn't know what the fuck is going on?!

I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this must be for Mr Tall, but surely if he hated it as much as he says he does, he would have/would be doing more to sort it out?! Ok, so it may be a financial issue, but surely he could have found out if he could get legal aid from like, citizens advice or somewhere?! It's like he's just given up. I can't get my head around how he could just let his son go so easily... I'd sell everything I had and walk to the ends of the earth on broken glass before someone told me I couldn't spend time with my child... Ok so the child was an unplanned accident. So what! It's not the childs fault!

I can't believe how angry and upset this makes me... It's nothing to do with me, I know that, but it's all so very, very wrong... I want to help... I want to change things and make things fair, but I don't know where to start, or even if I should. It's nothing to do with me. I don't even know the whole story, just parts of it. I don't want to be involved. But now I can't speak to Mr Tall without asking more questions, and digging and poking my nose in even more. I have to stop. All I'm doing is upsetting him, which I so don't want to do, and stressing myself out.

There was a reason why I'd never got involved with guys with kids before. This was the reason. It's all so messy, and I just don't know how to handle it. So now what do I do? Pretend this never happened and never bring it up or mention it again? Well it'll come up again... Do I nod and smile and pretend I'm ok with it, even though I'm cracking up inside? Do I make it my mission to right the wrongs that have been done? I have no idea... I'm so out of my depth here, and I'm drowning fast. I want to run. I want to turn and run as far as I can, as fast as I can... But I can't. I know it'll hurt Mr Tall. It did last time. Those few days we broke up, he was a mess. His words, and a friend of his. I don't want to hurt him at all. Not ever. I'm so trapped, and I can't see any way out of this...