Hiding in the Shadows
No-one knows I'm here...
Saturday, August 03, 2013

Take Two

It's a saturday, and I'm at home instead of in Leeds with Mr Tall. Why? Well, I did go over there earlier, and I ended it. He didn't like it, and refused to accept it was what I really wanted, but I left with all my stuff, and I told him quite bluntly that we cannot be together. We may be able to be friends in the future, but for now, we need to be apart. Trying to be friends so soon is just going to be awkward and uncomfortable. So at least until I come back off holiday, we're not keeping in contact.

I think he thinks I'll change my mind, or realise after a week or so that I do actually miss him and want to get back together like last time. I won't. This really is it this time. I realised that last weekend when I found that I don't even want to kiss him any more, let alone get any more intimate... I just don't have those feelings for him. I thought I did at one point, then I didn't know, but thought it was just because I was holding back through fear of being hurt again. But now I know, I don't feel like that because he simply isn't the one for me. I'm sorry about that, but you don't know these things until you try.

So now I start a new chapter. Another single one, but it's a clean start. I've hiked my zumba classes up to three times a week now, I'm so determined to slim down. I have managed to nudge my plateau and hit a new low on the scales, which is awesome, but I'm still learning about food and calories and how they affect me, so I know the limits of what I can eat to lose more weight. I'm not being stupid about it and starving myself, and I'm not doing any stupid cabbage soup/smoothies/lemon juice diets. It's all just healthy stuff, but with counted calories. It must be working - a girl at work (who I don't really 'get on' with other than to exchange the odd pleasentries) asked me last week if I was losing weight, cos I looked slimmer! That make my week! Even though the scales arn't telling me what I want to hear all the time, I still feel good. I still haven't got the body I want, but I'm still happy with how things are going. Even if I don't hit my target for when I go on holiday, I'm not giving up, and I know that keeping on as I am now, I WILL hit my target eventually. Before Christmas would be good, but even just knowing I'm going in the right direction I'll be happy. It's a good feeling. I was getting so sick of looking in the mirror and despising the image in front of me. I still don't like it, but at least I know it's getting better.

Aside from that, I was offered a new job a while ago. My old boss came to me with an admin/team leader type position, that sounded amazing, but the salary & bonuses didn't cover the extra I'd be paying for the travel and parking. A lot of to-ing and fro-ing later, and I turned it down. They managed to hike the salary up a bit, but it still wasn't enough for me to be comfortable. So that was that. Until Friday....
I missed a call from my old bosses work colleague, who left a message to say that something had changed, and they think they may be able to offer me what I need now... I'll have to wait until Monday to find out, but it all may be back on again! I do like my current job, and I love working with K and J, and it's so nice being 5 mins from home, but I get so bored there. I have no challenges or job satisfaction. Moving into a team leader position would be a great opportunity and give me some responsibility, and it'd look great on my CV! So have to watch this space for more news on that.

Other than that, 3 weeks today and I'll be on my way to the airport!! I'm looking forwards to that more than you can imagine. So much so, that I even started throwing some stuff in a suitcase the other day...! I've never been so organised!!


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