Hiding in the Shadows
No-one knows I'm here...
Monday, June 18, 2012

Running companies and running scared

Well last week was interesting. I took a couple of days off work, partly because I was full of cold and feeling miserable, and partly because I was just generally feeling miserable. I realised I had been slightly overspending lately, and there was a risk of being the wrong side of my overdraft. This, coupled with the thought of spending god knows how long still working for shite wages, and not knowing when things were going to get better just got the better of me. Anyway, feeling slightly better about everything in general, I dragged myself back into work on Wednesday.
My mood dropped again when our MD asked if I had a moment for 'a word'. Never the words you want to hear, especially after having just had two days off work sick...
Turns out, I actually hadn't done anything wrong or pissed anyone off. Our company is actually a group of companies - one of which currently has no-one running it as the lady who was in charge had to take early maternity leave. This is where I come in. I've been asked to run the company! It's only a very small company, but still. I get more responsibility, less time scratting around for things to do in my normal job, and to top it off - more frickin money!! Not only has this made me feel better about my job and life in general, but it's sorted out my money issues too!! Trouble is, I'm already spending the extra money I haven't yet even got. I'm hoping the new purchase of Battlefield will keep me entertained enough to keep me off of ebay... If not, I'm going to have a new pair of straighters, two perfumes, a Logitech G700 gaming mouse, and a gaming headset...

On the Mr Tall front, I keep being scared. Scared of getting in too deep and getting my heart broken. Scared I'm getting in too deep and he doesn't feel the same. Scared of getting in too deep and realising I don't want to get in too deep. Scared that my insanity is going to leak out and Mr Tall is then going to be scared, and I'll never see him again... I wish my head was less unstable.
It doesn't help that on Friday night we went round to his friends house to watch the footy. I was dosed up on flu drugs, so was driving, and the only one there not drinking. When we got home and snuggled up, I could have sworn he was whispering those three little words in my ear - several times... I'm only not 100% sure as I had taken a couple of nytol, so despite being partly awake, I was almost fully comotose, therefore I whatever I did or didn't hear has no reliability. Plus the fact that he was very drunk means that whatever he did or didn't say, has no weight to it. Although, if he said it while drunk, maybe he means it inside but is too nervous to actually say anything... Anyways - he doesn't remember saying it, and I've not mentioned it, so I guess I won't know for sure.
Trying to stay cool about this whole 'non-relationship' (as it still hasn't become 'official') and not be some clingy girl eager to make it official is really hard. I so badly don't want to scare him off, yet sometimes I feel I may be coming accross as too cool and making it seem like I'm not too bothered... Why the hell hasn't there been a rule book for this. People have been dating and courting for centuries - surely there must be some fundamental do's and don'ts I'm obviously missing out on... I'm betting one of them is 'Don't overthink things too much'.... Doh... My only chance, wing it and see what happens. I've never been very good at winging it.... Maybe I can find some wings on ebay...


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