Hiding in the Shadows

Had a bit of a crash the other day though - saw Fraz on POF... Totally wasn't expecting that... Can't believe he thinks he's ready for another relationship already when there's no way he'll have sorted out his problem... If it is a problem... Maybe that was just another lie to make excuses for what he did... Don't get me wrong, I don't want him back, but I can't help it hurting just a little that he's looking for someone else. I know, I know - I've been looking for someone else for months, but to start with it was the only way I found I could deal with what had happened. I wasn't ready to start something new, but I needed that attention and affection to validate myself all over again. I'm in a much better place now. Just wish that he didn't keep popping up every time I manage to forget about him... Really hope I don't see him at Stanford, or the urge to smash his face in may get the better of me... But then, I hope I do see him, cos then he'll see me with my Mr Tall. I won't know if he'll be happy for me or utterly devastated, but in my mind it'll be the latter, and that'll make my day...

Well the weekend with Mr Tall went as well as I hoped. Things are really comfortable with us, which is great. After the F1 quali on Saturday we went and sat by the canal for a few hours in the sun - talking and tanning, it was fab. So why can't I help that niggling doubt that keeps telling me it'll fall apart... That he'll decide I'm not good enough... That he'll lie to me... Why? Cos I'm damaged... I know that not all people are the same. I know there are good, honest people out there. I know that I usually end up for the ones that aren't. I'm so scared of being emotionally torn apart all over again, yet I know it's worth the risk. I know that somewhere there's that perfect match for me. I don't believe in there being just one true love for everyone, though it's still a needle-in-haystack scenario... Well if you don't search, you'll never find... I'm not giving up just yet. I may just be surprised and find Mr Tall is actually my Mr Perfect...

	This is my space to air my demons, where no-one knows my name. Here I sit, quietly, hiding from the world.
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~*~

I hide beneath the black clouds of my broken soul, The soul that holds the love that is left, And the clouds that hold the life we could have lived. A twisted love runs deeper than the blood in my veins. But the past still exists, so please dont try to walk away. My broken soul is all you can see, and the black clouds will always be here. As I stare at my reflection through shattered glass, I take a look into our past. Will you ever realize how I feel? Our past can never be forgotton. Im still beneath the black clouds, Hiding from my misery. The love is still there, but the life has dissapeared. Do you understand what im trying to say to you now? If I told you I love you, I meant it with every breathe. If say I need you, I tell the truth. The black clouds are full of my pain, and my broken soul is all that I have left. So I will stare at my reflection through this shattered glass, and hide beneath the black clouds of my broken soul, The love still exists, and I wonder, What happened to the dream that we both could be living... ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~*~
* Characters *
	Mr Tall (Phill) Mr Persistant (Jason) Mr Not-Perfect (Ryan) Mr Short (Jon) Mr Identical (Daz)
* Previous Posts *
	Ups and downs. And more Ups. Clearing up before the mess De Ja Vu Realisations Unexpected Too much info? Pain and suffering Conclusion No.2 Conclusion Lesson Learnt
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Hopefully optimistic

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