Fucking, fuckity, fucking fuck-fuck...

I've been doing so well... Managed to get into the head-space that I was fine on my own, I deserve someone better... Even when he was round today collecting the rest of his stuff, I managed to tell him I didn't even want to stay friends - partly because I don't want a liar as a friend, and partly because of the way he's done this all behind my back - cowardly... This evening, I fell apart again. My head is telling me I've done the right thing - he doesn't deserve my friendship. My heart is screaming that I miss him. I still love him. I need to make him see that.
I'm angry at him for making me feel like this, and I'm angry at myself for getting so upset over losing him. I'm better off without him, and I know that. But it hurts. It still hurts so damn much, and there's nothing I can do to make it go away. I just wish we could have fixed it... We could have been awesome... Oh fucking hell, here we go again...