Hiding in the Shadows

Hopefully by 9.30 tomorrow morning I'll have finally found out what's wrong with me. I get my blood test results first thing. Can't say I'm worried at all - haven't really thought about it actually. Knowing my luck they still won't have a clue what's wrong. Least whatever meds they prescribed last time seemed to have cleared up the pain a bit quicker than normal. Think I might keep some of them spare for any next time occurences...

Had yet more disappointment with the OH again tonight. He's supposed to have been looking up counsellors and sorting out appointments etc. It's been over a week. He's look at one, only cos she's in the close area. Not rung or emailed to discuss, nothing. Apparently was waiting til he got paid tomorrow. Well, great, but what if she's booked up now until summer? Oh, no he didn't think of that... Also didn't think to speak to her to see if she can even help with his lying problem. Or make an apointment. Or look at other options in case she isn't available....

And it's my birthday in a couple of days. Can't say I'm thrilled about that either. Another year older, another year of accomplishing nothing. Well, this year I plan to change that. I don't plan on winning a nobel prize, or going to the moon, but still. Even a small something will be bigger than previous years nothing. First plan is to get rid of the bozo treating me like shit. Either by hopefully changing him into a non-bozo, or getting rid completely (not what I want, but then when do I ever get that..). Second plan, is to get back in shape, and celebrate that with an autumn holiday out to see my mum. Maybe go out for Xmas. Kos has some epic nightlife, so be fab to go as a newly single, finally fit hunny. Liking this plan already..!

In the meantime - Zumba tomorrow. Least I'm looking forwards to that!

	This is my space to air my demons, where no-one knows my name. Here I sit, quietly, hiding from the world.
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~*~

I hide beneath the black clouds of my broken soul, The soul that holds the love that is left, And the clouds that hold the life we could have lived. A twisted love runs deeper than the blood in my veins. But the past still exists, so please dont try to walk away. My broken soul is all you can see, and the black clouds will always be here. As I stare at my reflection through shattered glass, I take a look into our past. Will you ever realize how I feel? Our past can never be forgotton. Im still beneath the black clouds, Hiding from my misery. The love is still there, but the life has dissapeared. Do you understand what im trying to say to you now? If I told you I love you, I meant it with every breathe. If say I need you, I tell the truth. The black clouds are full of my pain, and my broken soul is all that I have left. So I will stare at my reflection through this shattered glass, and hide beneath the black clouds of my broken soul, The love still exists, and I wonder, What happened to the dream that we both could be living... ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~*~
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