Hiding in the Shadows

Well, the date went not too bad on Saturday. I went round to his and we watched a film - The Eye (quite an ok film). We got on very well, made each other laugh, have quite a bit of stuff in common, had some cuddles and some kisses.... but theres one problem.... he's about an inch shorter than I am, and I'm only just 5'5... Now I know it's not his fault, and it's quite unfair, but there's something not quite right with having to look down on a bloke, especially if you're not even wearing heels. We're still going to keep in touch and stay friends I think, but it's not going to be any more than that.

I have however, lined up another date for next Sat though.... this time with a more mature bloke - he's 36. I've always liked older guys, so why not. Again, not sure if it's going to be anything special, but it's practise, and it's some attention that I need right now.

J came round today with the van to collect all his stuff. Within about 30 mins it was all done. I'm relieved it's over, but still saddened by it all.

But then I get a text about 10pm.... he's sorry we broke up, he wishes he would've fought for me, he wants to try again.....

How do I say to him I don't want that? Plus in the 2 weeks we've been broken up I've slept with one guy, and kissed another?! Maybe, maybe we can try again in the future.... but now, now I need space. We wern't working at all, which is why we broke up. We both need time I think to really decide whether it's what we want.... To be perfectly honest, I don't think it is what I want.... Only time will tell I guess.

One thing I've told him is that if he was prepared to let me go so easily when I ended it, then maybe he can't want me as much as he thinks.... He says he was in shock and didn't expect it....

Well, maybe 2 weeks later is just too late now....

	This is my space to air my demons, where no-one knows my name. Here I sit, quietly, hiding from the world.
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~*~

I hide beneath the black clouds of my broken soul, The soul that holds the love that is left, And the clouds that hold the life we could have lived. A twisted love runs deeper than the blood in my veins. But the past still exists, so please dont try to walk away. My broken soul is all you can see, and the black clouds will always be here. As I stare at my reflection through shattered glass, I take a look into our past. Will you ever realize how I feel? Our past can never be forgotton. Im still beneath the black clouds, Hiding from my misery. The love is still there, but the life has dissapeared. Do you understand what im trying to say to you now? If I told you I love you, I meant it with every breathe. If say I need you, I tell the truth. The black clouds are full of my pain, and my broken soul is all that I have left. So I will stare at my reflection through this shattered glass, and hide beneath the black clouds of my broken soul, The love still exists, and I wonder, What happened to the dream that we both could be living... ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~*~
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