Hiding in the Shadows

The dating game that is. Well I told you about getting onto the dating website, well, whaddaya know, I has me a date for Friday night :)

To be fair, he's not really my type, but he's really lovely and sweet. Who knows where it'll end up, but it'll be nice to do the whole first date malarky again. God knows I need the practise now after 2yrs. We're still deciding on what to do - drinks in town, a meal somewhere quiet, or a movie night at his. Will be sure to let you know on Saturday what happens ;)

From looking forward to one night, to hating the thought of another - J is coming round tomorrow to sort out his stuff ready for having it collected on Saturday. Great. A couple of hours of painful silence and awkward sentances. I really want to ask him exactly why I was the love of his life, yet not worth fighting for, but what's the point? I don't want it to resolve anything between us, don't want to get back together, and wouldn't ask just to hurt him. I guess it'd be for my own peace of mind. But still, just cos I ask the question doesn't mean I'm going to get an answer.

As for my mate that was round on Saturday - we sorted things out. Apparently he's got some family stuff going on and is in a bit of a messed up place right now, and says he's truly sorry for leading me on etv etc. I believe him. I know he's a genuine kinda person, and has always cared about me in the past. Hell I've messed him around before knowing completely what I was doing. I'm just glad we're still ok.

So all in all, I guess it's going to be a rollercoaster end to the week....

	This is my space to air my demons, where no-one knows my name. Here I sit, quietly, hiding from the world.
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~*~

I hide beneath the black clouds of my broken soul, The soul that holds the love that is left, And the clouds that hold the life we could have lived. A twisted love runs deeper than the blood in my veins. But the past still exists, so please dont try to walk away. My broken soul is all you can see, and the black clouds will always be here. As I stare at my reflection through shattered glass, I take a look into our past. Will you ever realize how I feel? Our past can never be forgotton. Im still beneath the black clouds, Hiding from my misery. The love is still there, but the life has dissapeared. Do you understand what im trying to say to you now? If I told you I love you, I meant it with every breathe. If say I need you, I tell the truth. The black clouds are full of my pain, and my broken soul is all that I have left. So I will stare at my reflection through this shattered glass, and hide beneath the black clouds of my broken soul, The love still exists, and I wonder, What happened to the dream that we both could be living... ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~*~
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